I’m Not Actually Lazy Sample Workout Week

Here’s a version of my rebooted I’m-Not-Actually-Lazy workout that actually does burn calories:

Monday: Bodyforming Session 1, 45 minutes. In this circuit-style class, we complete two rounds each of leg and arm workouts, followed by one round of ab exercises, and take furtive breaks when the instructor isn’t watching. A typical class goes like this:

Round 1, Four Stations: Legs. Each station lasts 60 seconds with a 10 – 30 second pause in between. Repeat twice.

Round 2, Four Stations: Arms. Each station lasts 60 seconds with a 10 – 30 second pause in between. Repeat twice.

Round 3, Four Stations: Abs. Each station lasts 60 seconds with 10 second pause in between. Repeat only once and then collapse in sweaty heap.

Tuesday: 25 – 50 minutes on elliptical machine with pre-programmed settings that seem remarkably easy at some points and mystifyingly challenging at others, so that I don’t know if the problem lies with the machine or with the machine’s operator (me). There’s always a chipper workout leader who chirps out motivational platitudes like, “You’ve got this!,” “I see you working hard!” and “Almost there, I’m proud of you!” as she doesn’t break a sweat, can’t see us because it’s a recording and is proud that none of us has died on her watch.

Wednesday:Bodyforming Session 2, 45 minutes, with someone I probably shouldn’t call Musclehead. But he is essentially a muscle with a head and he loves to play heavy metal music as his mostly middle-aged female workout group mimic his burpees and bicep curls to varying levels of success. His class goes a bit like this:

Round 1, Four Stations: Legs. Each station lasts 90 seconds with a 10 – 30 second pause in between. Repeat twice. This instructor loves squats and burpees. He obviously doesn’t guide by polling.

Round 2, Four Stations: Arms. Each station lasts 90 seconds with a 10 – 30 second pause in between. Incorporates such exercises as some sort of balletic back arch on tippy toe that probably looks even more ridiculous than I imagine. Repeat twice.

Round 3, Four Stations: Abs. Each station lasts 60 seconds with 10 second pause in between. In this class you’re on your own to stretch after training, so you can pretend that your utter inability to raise your body from the mat after the last exercise has everything to do with a really intense stretch.

Thursday: Sports day with my husband. Usually we cycle, and our latest circuit now takes us for a 34 km round trip at an average pace of about 26 kph with one uphill at a 12% grade and second uphill at a 7% grade. Those hills done at considerably less than 26 kph. Sounds energetic until you consider we stop for a cappuccino break at the halfway point for 30 minutes. But we do really work those hills and flats.

Friday: Bodyforming Session 3, 45 minutes. Another circuit-style class where the instructor incorporates ab exercises throughout the leg and arm portion. Sometimes she throws balance into the equation, maybe because she’s getting bored and enjoys watching the spectacle of weebly wobblies lifting legs and weaving about with dumbbells.

Saturday: Sometimes a hike and in winter, sometimes skiing. Sometimes it’s just a walk down the street. Sometimes it’s a walk to the coffee station. Highly variable.

Sunday: Same as Saturday. But usually, one of these weekend days gets an aerobic activity. And sometimes that’s a 20 – 45 minute workout at the gym.

Has my belly gone away? Actually, no, not really. But a few mornings ago my 9-year-old son did remark in amazement, “Mom, your arms are really sporty!” when I lifted a carton of milk. Work in progress.